Body Image Is Not About Your Body
On my programs working with body image plays an important role. I learned through working with clients that working on the psychological and emotional space was key to a successful transformation. Not only in the way that a negative body image continually sabotages progress, but so that when the transformation is complete my client feels secure and happy in themselves beyond the physical structure. I use a number of tools to bring a client on this journey, helping them to understand what body image is and why it really doesn’t have much to do with the body itself. I know that sounds strange, how can body image be separate from the body?
Think about a photograph you have of yourself when at the time you thought you were fat, but you look at that photograph now and you see that wasn’t true. Most women have something like that. Your hormones also affect your self image, ever looked in the mirror around the time of your period and saw an actual whale looking back? Yea, me too. Then everything goes back to normal when the hormones aren’t in their high phase, right? Even if you don’t have a very positive body image in your low hormone phase it is bound to be better than it was. Do you see what I am getting at?
Our body image fluctuates, it fluctuates if we have a bad day, if someone says something mean to us, if a relationship ends, if we fail at work and therefore is an unreliable narrator. The shame trigger in the culture for women is connected to beauty and our bodies, with men it’s strength, so when something bad happens or we fail in some way, a lot of that gets projected onto the poor body, when often it has absolutely nothing to do with the body. We are generating our body image from a wide variety of factors.
When I am coaching women I work to transform their perspective on training and nutrition from just wanting to look good, to wanting to feel good. When this shift in perspective happens we can draw our drive from different places. There is absolutely nothing bad or wrong in wanting to look good and having a drive to improve ourselves is a natural part of being an evolutionary animal but if it is all about the aesthetic it becomes distorted. What we want is to bring that drive into healthy perspective to co-exist with other healthy driving factors, like improving self esteem and self trust by showing up when it is hard, embracing the challenge, feeling the simple joy of lifting a heavy weight and ultimately falling in love with the process itself, not the end result.
What we need to understand is that we are whole beings and to reduce ourselves to merely body image, and to consider ourselves a failure if we do not meet a certain standard is not a healthy place to be. There are a few ways you can begin to challenge your internalised image:
Notice that the body image fluctuates, oh and if it fluctuates is it reliable?
Notice the self talk, if you saw someone talking to a friend of yours that way what would you do? Rip into them, yea? Well go for it. Tell it to back the hell off and do not negotiate.
Be compassionate to yourself. You internalised this image as a very young and defenceless child. Say something kind to yourself, self soothe.
Question if the body image is actually true. So you might have extra body fat but what is layered on top of that? Shame? Worthlessness? Throw out the story around how you look, stay with the facts.
Think of three or more things about yourself beyond your body that you really appreciate and narrow your focus to these things.
When I am working with clients we do meditation and get present to what the body image actually is, what it means to them, how it feels and the beliefs and ideas it holds. This is a lot of deep work that I’d recommend doing with a professional.
Ultimately it is really important to remember that improving the body will not necessarily improve the body image. While both are worthwhile pursuits, doing one without attending to the other will raise issues. Remember that happiness really does lie within, neglecting the internal journey will at some point come at great cost to you and those around you. Quit looking outward to society for someone to blame, whether it be the media, diet culture, Instagram, your impossibly beautiful friend. Challenge the internal narrative and the whole world around you will change with it. I know it’s hard girlfriend, but it’s your responsibility.
