How to Get the Oxytocin Response to Stress… and why you need it

Positive stress perception is the new buzz among wellness professionals and I invariably hear mentioned alongside…

“It’s a mindset”.

That’s true but not the whole truth. Actually the whole truth is that the body / mind distinctions we make as a culture are in fact, false, since the nervous system is an interconnected network and not a system of segmented parts working independently. The world is slowly catching up with this idea.

For ease of communication however I’ll refer to the body/mind but with the understanding that I am not implying they are separate entities.

This is important when evaluating stress perception since most of the stress response happens subconsciously in the body, and the idea we can simply shift our mindset to change our response to stress is missing out the layering of patterns held in our nervous system since childhood, that most often can not be altered with thinking better thoughts.

Shifting mindset is an important component of shifting the stress response but the mind can’t handle this job alone. What we need is a bottom up approach, going through the body to the mind and then back around again.

Much of our stress response was learned in childhood and if we grew up in unsafe or chaotic homes where we learned that the world was untrustworthy then we did not likely did not learn the holy grail of the stress response … oxytocin.

It frustrates me when I see wellness professionals from good, safe and stable backgrounds telling others to just simply shift their mindset. It’s not that easy. The lack of oxytocin response means you’re more likely to isolate when under stress, and to develop a narrative that is undermining of resilience.

“Nobody loves me, nobody cares, I’m all alone, I hate the world.”

People who score high in traumatic upbringings (check out your score with this ACEs quiz) often have a suppressed oxytocin response to stress. If you had a traumatic childhood, it changes your physiology and your brain in ways that can increase your risk for things that you don't want such as depression, autoimmune disorders, heart disease, cancer etc.

Your genes are priming you for self-defense and that can increase systemic inflammation. Stress is a killer, but only if our nervous systems perceive it to be. People who perceive stress to be positive with the full suite of good hormones that come with that, do not develop diseases and illness despite being in high stress situations.

If you identify as someone who is naturally inclined to negative stress perception so far so bleak? Relax, there’s more to this story.

Thank god for neuroplasticity.

If you had a bit of a rough go as a child you can’t change the past but you can change now. This is the wonder of your neuroplastic nervous system. In studies even people 70+ are capable of shifting patterns ingrained in their bodies since childhood.

The oxytocin response to stress is the holy grail, and when we have that instead of going into fight, flight or freeze we can instead evoke the challenge response.

When people accept stress as a moment that matters where they can choose something that's consistent with their values or that is aligned with their goals, they produce higher levels of other hormones like DHEA, which balance cortisol and adrenaline and increase the chance that you will actually be strengthened by the experience.

Instead of feeling alone you’re more likely to seek out support. Remember, oxytocin is a bonding hormone. You might feel excitement or a sense of anticipation, as opposed to dread.

The bottom up approach

Our emotional experiences are contained within the body. When we are talking about rewiring our nervous systems to feel safe and loved it’s best (in my experience) to start with including somatic based practices.

Breathing exercises

Intentional breathing exercises are an excellent way to relax the body. Though anything is better than nothing, I’d highly recommend doing some intensive work with a trained breath work professional and ideally in person since it can be painful as emotions are released.

Exercise

Yoga is an effective tool here since it works on the parasympathetic nervous system and on interoception (feeling the body inside out). Those who have experiences of unsafe environments often move into the mind with looping anxiety narratives as a way to escape the intensity of feelings in the body. Yoga is a great way to teach yourself the body is safe, gradually.

Most forms of exercise will be effective for shifting the stress response if yoga doesn’t float your boat.

Group exercise is recommended since this enhances the bonding hormones.

Yoga nidra

This is a form of passive meditation that gradually relaxes your whole body. It begins with an intention which is wonderful since your nervous system is open to suggestions. Ask it to relax you. I have done yoga nidra for over a decade on a daily basis and it has gotten me through some hard times.

EFT

The emotional freedom technique is a simple and very effective tool for working through emotions in the body. You tap on acupressure points whilst going through a system of acknowledgment and validation to acceptance and finally change. I am trained in this and do it every day for myself and for my clients with startling results.

EMDR

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is a mental health treatment technique. This method involves moving your eyes a specific way while you process traumatic memories. EMDR's goal is to help you heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences. I trained in this recently but still consider myself a student of this process. There is a lot to learn before I’ll offer it as part of my service but I’d encourage you to seek out a trained therapist if you have unresolved trauma.

Journaling

Free and for some very effective for getting difficult thoughts out of the body/mind and on to the paper.

Get a pet

For those who grew up with insecure attachment styles getting a pet can help rewire your attachment system for security. Important to understand that pets require a lot of time and attention so make sure you have it. Alternatively try something like horse therapy or borrowing others pets.

Massage/ body work

Positive touch is a wonderful way to help us learn the world is a safe place and to help our bodies release deeply held tensions.

The top down approach

After doing somatic based practices talk therapy is a wonderful tool to help you develop an empathic response to yourself. Ideally you could do both somatic practices and talk therapy alongside for best results, but I wouldn’t personally recommend just doing talk therapy alone for this kind of work. There are therapists who offer somatic practices alongside talk therapy but it is pretty easy to start with some simple breathing practices alongside working with a therapist, however to get to the deeper layers you’ll need some intensive work and a trained trauma informed professional to guide you through.

Go all in

If your perception is that the world is not a safe place, your genes understand that. At the deepest biochemical level, you will see changes in gene expression, changes in brain structure and function, changes in baseline hormonal responses to stress. This puts you at greater risk of disease and reduced life satisfaction. It means living from a contracted space where you feel victimized. As you start to flip the script your biology follows, your brain supports you, your hormones are on your side. You feel better.

And feeling better is what we all want, isn’t it?

Listen to my podcast on self regulation to help give you a reference point for where to start reclaiming your hijacked nervous system.